full circle

. . .from an upward battle of struggles and emotions to a journey of healing, growth, and laughter. . .

drama queen

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My life used to be full of drama. In the years I spent alone after The Break Up, I worked on healing—whether actively or passively. After the second or third year, it felt good not to have relationship drama in my life. Early last year (the seventh year of regaining my independence), I decided I didn’t want any drama in my life, i.e. the drama of other people. Just because I am your friend, it doesn’t mean I want to be sucked into your relationship issues or dating frustrations. I will be supportive and provide advice if asked for it, but if you ignore said advice, then I don’t want to hear about it. Because it’s up to you to make a decision to resolve your relationship issues and dating frustrations, not me.

Everyone has a dream job. I have one, too. While I enjoy my current job, it’s not my “dream job.” So, when I had the opportunity to apply for my dream job {ironically, for the second time} last summer, I thought it was meant to be. It was for a foundation that raises money for housing for homeless and low income people. I was even willing to take the 20k pay cut. I would make the monetary sacrifices because this was MY DREAM JOB. It doesn’t come around a third time!

I didn’t get. Once again, I come in second. I took it better this time round. I guess it wasn’t meant to be after all. The next evening, I went for drinks with one of my former bosses, who was a good friend and one of my references. I talked about my various theories about why I didn’t get the job and my feelings—bad and good—about not getting it.

Fastforward three months. My friend had lost his own job, so another mutual good friend and I took him out to dinner. Towards the end, he asked if I knew who got the job I had applied for. I said no but that reminded me to check the website to see who got it. And then he blurted out that he knew who got it—and it was a woman we had all worked with, who, as sweet as she is, is not half as qualified for the position as I was. But wait, it gets worse. And then he said he knows because he was a reference for her, too. Um . . . WHAT?!!!!!

My mind was awash with confused thoughts, my eyes filled with tears. I calmly asked what he meant. He said he was a reference for her but gave me a better one.

I felt betrayed.

I was his close friend. He knew this was my dream job. He never even worked directly with her. Aside from the reference issue, he had months {MONTHS} to tell me that he had been a reference for her. Why now? Why this way?

And he was clueless. He emailed me the next day to ask for the email address of another friend. That was it. I waited for him to contact me and explain. Nothing.

We ran into each other at an event a month later. He said hello—I mumbled hi and went into the room. I think that’s the first time he may have realized there was a problem.

But still nothing.

And then in January, two months after that event, I received an email from his girlfriend {wtf} telling me she was writing despite telling him she wouldn’t, hoped the falling out didn’t affect her friendship with me {wtf}, and that we could still meet for coffee. {this woman is deluded.}

Then I got an invite from him to their party. Nothing else.

A few weeks ago, he finally talked to our mutual friend {the one who was there at the dinner when he blurted out the truth}, and she basically had to tell him what he did wrong. Like, seriously.

Last week, a day before a gathering of mutual friends, he emailed me asking if we could talk to help him understand “what caused the breach between us” and hoped we could be good friends again.

And here I am. I resigned from our friendship months ago. I don’t want the drama. It’s too late. I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to dredge up the recent past and go through those emotions. I was willing to talk about it eight months ago. I am not so willing now. I understand his need to bandaid our friendship, but he waited too long. I feel sad that he ruined our friendship, but I’ve moved on.

I had replied to his email and said I would need to think about it because he waited way too long to contact me. But last night as I was cleaning up my inbox, I realized that I have no desire to talk about what had happened. Or repair our broken friendship. I’m over it.

I don’t want anybody’s drama in my life.

Author: elle superstar

I had four cats - now I have six but still no one to talk to, LOL. So, I write this blog to entertain me, myself, and I... and perhaps you.

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