full circle

. . .from an upward battle of struggles and emotions to a journey of healing, growth, and laughter. . .

just another day

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Washing dishes. That’s all she had intended on doing. Each piece—a plate, a bowl, a spoon, a mug, a fork—all soaped and rinsed three times and neatly tucked into its place on the dish rack. But at the knife, she stared. She slowly placed it in her hand and carefully washed it. The smooth, sharp blade felt hot against her skin. Instead of putting it in the dish rack, she placed it back on the counter to dry. The serrated silver now felt cool against her wrist. She applied just enough pressure to leave thin marks across the vein. As she entertained the thought, visions of a messy, bloody kitchen stopped her for the moment.

*    *    *

What had happened to make her feel so desperate? She remembered the knife and brought it over to the computer desk. She stared at it with a cold heart and then reached out for it. With both hands, she clasped the handle and poised it towards herself. Her tears blurred reason. Her pleas drowned hope. The triangular tip touched her belly. If only she had the courage. If only she wasn’t so afraid of pain. She laughed ironically. All she wanted was to stop the pain, and yet it was pain that kept her from doing just that. She applied pressure, and the tip started to penetrate her skin. She couldn’t do it. Oh, she wanted to. She desperately wanted to. One deep stab. That’s all she needed. But her body shook, her mind torn. All she wanted was for the pain to go away. No one in her life could ever possibly understand what she was going through. No one.

*    *    *

The knife remained on the counter for days. No finger prints. No blood stains. Just a knife stripped of its power. Another day, another fantasy.

Author: elle superstar

I had four cats - now I have six but still no one to talk to, LOL. So, I write this blog to entertain me, myself, and I... and perhaps you.

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