full circle

. . .from an upward battle of struggles and emotions to a journey of healing, growth, and laughter. . .


got any change?

today was our last bellydancing class. i was quite proud that i had gone to every single one. i rarely finish a project i’ve started at home. and while technically, this wasn’t at home (during lunch hour at work), it was something i had signed up for because of the depression – to force myself to do something new with new people, or at least the same people in a new context.

the classes were fun, our instructor was cool, and i enjoyed learning how to bellydance. maybe someday when i lose the weight again, i will enjoy it even more. in the meantime, i’ve hung up my coin skirt.

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i can’t believe it’s been this long since i last wrote… i’ve gone through a lot of emotions since… yes, T related. i think i cried at least one night, and the other day last week, there was a guy on the bus whose profile was a splitting image of T. i kept staring at him, thinking it was him but knowing it wasn’t. see, it’s things like this that make my heart ache. it’s been almost a year and a half since the break up. will we ever be together again? will we ever talk again? will we ever see each other again?

i went to the pet store near his place again. wasn’t nearly as anxious this time. i looked pretty damn hot, though (lol), so a part of me was hoping we’d run into each other (or at least have him see me).

i’m nearly done all the shopping for my two little kitties. i’m on the vokra (vancouver orphan kitten rescue association) website every day checking to see if they’ve posted pics of any new kittens ready for adoption. there are so many i’ve added to my favorites (some getting adopted within days)… it’s so hard to wait until september!! i hope by the time i put in my ap, there will be the same cute ones needing adoption.

hmm… what else… bellydancing is fun. i bought a skirt with coins and it’s fun to dance in it. but gosh darn it, it’s hard with a big tummy (that’s where all the weight i gain ends up) and big boobies. our instructor is 22, has been bellydancing since she was 15, and is so thin that when she shows us some of the moves, i wonder how she can possibly make them when she has no meat on her bones, lol.

well, that’s all i can think of to say for now. ciao ciao.

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birthdays, belly dancing, and kittycats

it’s T’s birthday today. i sent him a text. i didn’t get a response, not that i was expecting one. i just wanted him to know that i remembered his birthday and wanted to wish him a happy one. buried in my heart is the hope that he’ll be in my life again. but right now, i’ll settle for not thinking about him every night.

i went to my first belly dancing lesson today. you’d think that 12 years of ballet would have helped me out a bit, but i had to face it: i was fat. i am so out of shape it’s discouraging. last fall, in four months, i lost 25 pounds (my 6-month goal was 45 pounds). but earlier this year, i started gaining weight and recently put 10 pounds back on. the belly dancing lesson has motivated me to get fit again, so i went to the gym afterwards in the hope of getting back on track to losing the weight. if i can do 25 pounds in four months, i can do anything!

the belly dancing also made me yearn for my breast reduction surgery. it’s pretty hard to do some of the moves with big breasts! the surgery waitlist is about two years, but at least i’m finally on the list (my consultation was back in march). it will definitely contribute to my happiness.

speaking of which, i spent all last night reading online about taking care of a kitten. after belly dancing, i stopped at a pet store to scope out some of the goods. then after the gym, i went straight to petcetera to check out their closing down sale. i got two scratching posts and a kittybed (oh so cute!!) for $30. they didn’t have much left, so i’ll have to get the other things at another store. i’m so excited. i don’t think i can wait until september to get my kittycats!