full circle

. . .from an upward battle of struggles and emotions to a journey of healing, growth, and laughter. . .


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how my life has changed since adopting cats

1. I haven’t ironed a single piece of clothing for work. But I do show up with cat hair on everything.
1200329The first part is definitely true. I used to iron my clothes the night before work, or if I forgot, then in the morning, even if it would make me late. Maybe, when I gained weight during The Breakup/depression, the new clothes I bought were less wrinkle-prone, but coincidentally, that was also when I adopted Clea and Oreo. The truth is out there, but I’m not sure which came first—the chicken or the egg.

As for cat hair, well, I actually try NOT to show up at work with it on my clothes, but sometimes, no matter how hard and often you use a lint brush (and I have THE BEST one), there is always a stray or four to be seen.

2. When something is on the floor, instead of picking it up, I just walk around it.
This happened the other day, which is what prompted me to make this list. Why pick it up when it will just end up on the floor again? How many times have I had to pick up the garbage strewn on my kitchen floor only to have to pick it up again because Coal loves to get in the plastic temporary garbage bag and tear it apart? Just for fun. Because he can.

3. I keep the toilet paper under the sink.
IMG_0008_400It is a common practice among cat lovers to take photos or videos of their cats unrolling or chewing up the toilet paper instead of rushing to grab the roll to salvage what’s left. (And in fact, it is an acceptable/good practice to take photos of anything bad rather than stopping the behaviour, because we love our cat photos.) In my house, Coal is the only one who has ever targeted the toilet paper. He stopped doing it when he got older in my old apartment. But when we moved into our condo five years ago, he acquired a renewed sense of TP madness. I once got creative and bought a toilet paper guard (yes, there really is such a thing. It’s apparently a baby safety item!). That worked for a good few months. Of course, my visitors were annoyed (it’s not hard to open, people), but my cats take priority. And then Coal outsmarted me and figured out how to unlock the guard. And so, now, the toilet paper is in the cupboard under the bathroom sink. Thankfully, I can reach for it from the toilet seat.

4. My tolerance for dust and cat hair is beyond high.
I used to be such a neat freak. Not Monica-crazy-OCD clean, but enough that my apartment was never full of clutter, laundry was always folded, and dishes were done as I cooked (ok, maybe a little OCD). When we moved into our brand new condo, it was such a treat because it was so sparkly clean, I had a dishwasher and insuite laundry, and I didn’t have to go outside to get to the garbage/recycling bins. And then little by little, there was always a dust monster or two even after I vacuumed, tiny particles of litter under my feet, and dried cat food on the walls. Everywhere I go, there is cat hair. Even when I cook, I’ll find a stray cat hair on my plate. HOW DID IT GET THERE?!!!! When I have people over, I have to spend a week cleaning, just for one evening. That’s why I don’t have people over very often. It’s too much freaking work! I’d rather just sit on my FURniture alone and watch TV.

5. I don’t shower on weekends because I don’t need to impress my cats.
Ok, I admit that sometimes I don’t shower on weekdays either. I frequently sleep through my alarm, so I’m usually late for work. And my hair is sooo long now that I can curl it on days I don’t shower or put it up in a messy bun and not worry about it. But weekends are the best. My cats don’t care and wouldn’t even know the difference between smelly me and non-smelly me.

6. I yell a lot more.
944946Coal and his protégé Wilbur are the naughtiest kittens you’ll meet in my house. I yell at them a lot. And sometimes, I use the wrong name. That’s when you know you have too many cats. Maybe I can attach the spray bottle to my new selfie stick…

7. I talk about cats all the time.
I have always liked cats, preferred cats, wanted cats. Dogs, not so much. I had no affinity towards them and would stay clear of them on the street. I especially hated it when they would jump on me and lick me. Yeach! But since I got my mogwoppits, my feelings towards other animals (dogs, lol) have transitioned from tolerance to love. I now stop and pet dogs, let them lick my hand, let them jump on me. The key change is a love of all animals and my advocacy against abuse and cruelty, including the “food” industry. But, back to cats. Yes, I talk about them all the time, I watch cat videos every chance I get, and I post photos every day. And if you don’t like that, you can meow off.

8. I do a lot more laundry.
When I have to. Because Coal has taken to peeing on my bed if the litter box isn’t clean enough by his standards. Recently, in one week, I had to put my bedding in the laundry three times! But while I do a lot more laundry, I don’t always fold it right away. Sometimes, I’m just too tired.

9. My camera happy trigger finger is ready at all times.
It used to be my real camera; now, it’s my smartphone. It’s always ready, I’m always ready, but sometimes, the kitties are too quick, and they move or change positions in the moment right before I take the photo. I used to print photos for albums, but now thank goodness for social media. {All photos in this post are courtesy of social media albums.}

10. I am content to be alone, as long as I have my cats next to me.
As I’ve alluded to many times before, The Breakup was the death of me. I wish I had adopted a cat right after that. But it was a year and a half before I did. I adopted Clea and Oreo, and then two months later, I sought out Coal. My life changed. I was finally healing. And in fact, I wrote about them when I first started this blog. And a year later, Wilbur came into my world (Wilbur was my foster fail).

I spent two years alone—I didn’t date, I didn’t talk to any of my old flames, I didn’t care. I realized that I was content to be alone. For the rest of my life. I didn’t need a man, and I didn’t even want one. If I was never in a relationship again, I was fine with that. I only needed myself to feel whole.

But I would die if I didn’t have my cats. ❤

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I think I can, I think I can…

For someone who watches a lot of TV and takes a lot of naps, I’ve been pretty lazy busy and unmotivated to write about my life. And May was even an exciting month, showcasing 31+ days of celebrating my 40th birthday. I threw another fantabulous birthday party and even wore a tiara for the occasion. tiara{I’ve always wanted a tiara, ha! and found one on sale at a new store near work just a couple of weeks before the party}. My big birthday trip this year was to Niagara Falls {why did everybody ask me if I was going to the American side? I live in Canada, duh!}. I’m still editing my photos…well, I edited one out of seven folders, so y’all just have to wait…probably a really long time…because I have three more trips this summer, and I don’t know when I’ll find the time…because I’m so lazy busy.

Last week, I removed two close friends from my Facebook. I was having a particularly bad day—irritated with everybody to the maximum, exhausted from life. I never did determine what caused that rush of short-tempered emotions. One friend posted an old photo that included me at my heaviest. I politely asked her to remove it because I didn’t want that photo of me on Facebook. I assumed she would understand, considering she’s always talking about being fat and needing to lose weight {by the way, she is so thin. Why do skinny people insist on talking about their weight to people who are overweight or obese? Such self-absorbed, inconsiderate biotches!}. Well, I saw that she had read my message but never replied… and didn’t remove the photo. I gave her the benefit of the doubt—maybe she posted that photo and then had to run to an appointment. An hour later, the photo was still there, and our mutual friends were seeing it. I sent her another message asking if she was going to remove the photo. No response. I went to a movie and returned two hours later. She had finally removed the photo. But the damage had been done. She completely ignored my messages—she didn’t feel it was important to acknowledge or respond. Off my friends list!

The other situation was that I posted a link to an article about the new websites at our corporate and regional sites (I’m at a regional site). There were three regional sites (mine was one of them) who were never consulted during development of the new websites. I was pissed off about the article talking about how they (website company) had to keep every regional sites’ goals in mind blah x 3. We were never, not even once, asked to participate. And now we’re having to fit into a template that doesn’t meet our needs. Anyways, I bitched about that briefly on FB, and that other friend emailed me at my work email saying I was violating policy and asking if I was aware that I had directed my negative comments to her. OMG. I did not. And if you criticize my posts, you’ll be promptly unfriended. (Everybody knows that!) And don’t freaking email me at WORK about my PERSONAL social media account. {insert big scream here}

I discovered the most magnificent, most indulgent, most expensive vegan cheese. It’s made in Oregon, and oh, it’s also the most divine and most delish. It was cashew cranberry brie. I can never go back to any other kind of vegan cheese.

cheese1          cheese2


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huffing and puffing like a dragon

When T and I broke up seven years ago, I gained 57 lbs over three years. I had been 110-120 lbs my whole life, so I didn’t have any concept of the numbers 1, 7, 7 being part of my weight. It was the heaviest I had ever been, and it pushed me further into my depression. I am still trying to get back to a healthier weight, but the good news is that I’m about 145-147 lbs now. I haven’t been 145 lbs in years!

Last year, I went vegan (that’s another story) and lost 10 lbs just by eliminating murdered animals from my diet. A few weeks ago, we started another round of “sticker goals” at work. Picture yourself as a child—when you achieved something at school, you got a gold star. When you did your chores at home, you got a sticker. Now, imagine the same concept, but add 40 years to your age. The idea is to select a weekly personal goal to achieve for 10 weeks. You put $15 in the pot and get a sticker for every week you achieve your goal. If you have at least eight stickers, you get your $15 back and go for a team lunch.

My goal is to go to the gym twice a week (not having gone for a year, I needed to be realistic). Needing to ease back into it, I walk on the treadmill for no less than 45 minutes (the first time, I did 65 minutes!). The plan is to incorporate running as I build my stamina.

Today, my legs wanted to go faster right away and did a 40-minute walk at 3.4 mph (previously, I was only at 3 mph). Five minutes before my workout ended, I felt ready to run. I amped up the speed and started running. And it felt good! I had missed it! But, a minute in, I was huffing and puffing like a dragon. I had wanted to do five minutes, but I could do only three minutes. But it was the best three minutes ever.

During my last successful attempt at losing weight (25 lbs back in 2009), I was able to run 45 minutes without stopping. I will get there again one day. But for now, I will aim for five minutes during my next workout . . . which, hmm, is tomorrow.


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yah, so…

yah, so . . . i still suck at blogging. this year has been exciting. i bought a condo and went to greece. i’m doing volunteer work with the rescue association where i got my kitties from and am now fostering six abandoned kittens.

today, i went to run some errands, and i saw two old friends walking by. they knew me when i was thin. they didn’t see me, but i felt so fat and am so depressed now. i have gained even more weight and now weigh around 175 lbs. that is definitely the heaviest i have ever been, and it’s going to be really hard to lose it. my ideal weight is 110-115 lbs. how funny that when i was 120 lbs, i felt fat.

i went to the doctor this week for my usual follow up. i am still on my meds, which are great (don’t ever take them away from me), but my blood pressure has been on the high side for the last year, so i had to get complete bloodwork and ECG, so she can determine whether i need high blood pressure pills. at 35.

so much for improving my health this year. it seems as my emotional health has improved, my physical health has deteriorated.


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accidental fading

i’ve had a lot to say but not much energy to say it. the last few weeks have been a blur. nothing bad per se, just lots going on. saw my doc and was pleased to tell her my allergies to the kitties have been minimal. unfortunately, i’d been eating a shitload of junk food, and my blood pressure is a bit high now. i’m supposed to cut out the salt/junk food (which i have started to do) and exercise (not yet {sigh}) to lower it in the coming weeks before my next appointment. yah, i have to get on it. the good news is that last month, i didn’t have any bad headaches and didn’t have to take any naproxen. that’s the first time in two years or more, so i was quite pleased about that, too. i went on the scale a couple of weeks ago and was nearing my heaviest. i’ve probably surpassed that now, so i’m too scared to get on the scale again. it’s shitty to be fat during winter because none of my coats fit, so i look even fatter. ugh. good thing my feet haven’t gotten fatter – i bought a pair of mini-stilettos and two pairs of boots today. that was an accident – i was actually on my way to my hair appointment, and the shoe store was next door, and i was a few minutes early, and. . . well. . . 😉

i’ve had some sad moods at times – partly to do with my friend in australia and his lack of understanding and compassion {we are talking again, but it hasn’t been the same}, and partly to do with T. the longer time passes, the more content i become with being alone, i.e. being without him, but the more my hope fades. some may say that’s a good thing, but i don’t want it to fade. in my heart, i still love him. and no one could ever take his place.

my fur kids are my treasures. aside from the occasional sadness, i don’t feel as depressed as i did in the summer. i have a few days off this week (making up for last month when i was called into work on my vacation. . . twice), and we’ve all been spending quality time together. oreo allows me to hold him now (albeit for only 30 seconds, but that’s still a big improvement). clea is still naughty, but when she crawls into bed with me in the mornings and sets her head on the pillow next to mine so she can have a cuddle, i forget about her naughtiness. tomorrow is my last day off, and i can’t wait to wake up with her next to me. =)

i keep my camera handy – there is always something cute or funny that they are doing. it’s hard to pick a few favorites to display here, but i narrowed it down to 25 (lol), or you can see all of the pix here and videos here.